By the mere mention of school, her entire mood changed and she would not leave the couch. "Mama, I want to stay home!" She picked out her school clothes last night, so I dressed her right there on the couch and brushed her teeth, too. I kept telling her how much fun she would have, the fun things she would do, and all of the new friends she could meet. Of course, once I got her dressed, she decided she didn't want to wear that "princess dress" anymore. But we didn't have time to change. Begrudgingly, we finally got out of the door and into the car. We had to go through our usual procrastination routine where we buckle Teh-ee Bear in his seatbelt, protest the shoes I've picked for her, and ask for snacks. Eventually, we got on the road.
On the way to school, I asked her what she wanted to do today at school, like color, paint, play in the sandbox, or in the garden. She didn't respond very much, but she was sure that she did not want to paint! She asked me to paint all morning at home, so this was a surprise to me.
We got to school and she was still in a sad and somber mood. It is almost as if she is depressed the two mornings she has gone to school. I kept a positive attitude and tried to pump her up a little. But nothing seemed to help. Look at my sad little girl...it breaks my heart!
When it was time for the Lions to go into the playroom, she wouldn't let go of my hand. She wouldn't even sit at the table and wanted to sit on my lap. She knew it was time to say goodbye, and she had started melting down before I even had the chance to say anything. The Lions were heading back out to the garden today to water the blueberry bushes, so K's teacher suggested that I go outside with her before I said goodbye. I followed them out, with K not letting go of my hand the entire time.
Once we got outside and the class got organized, K's teacher grabbed her hand. K immediately started balling, "My Mama hold my hand! Mama, no leave me!" The tears were coming full force and she was pleading with me not to go. It's a good thing that it was sunny and I was wearing my sunglasses, because tears were streaming down my face. I gave her a big hug and multiple kisses and told her that I would be back in just a little while. Her teacher held her to try to comfort her. I walked away backwards, blowing her kisses as I went. And she was reaching for me and crying even harder. It was so difficult to leave. Again.
I walked through the school and came out the front door. Thankfully, I did not hear K crying. I peaked through the bushes and saw that, while there were still tears, and her lip was quivering, she and Teh-ee Bear had walked into the garden to help water the blueberries. Even though it was still awful, it was a little bit better than the time before.
When I picked K up, she was so very happy to see me. She ran across the music room and gave me a big, long hug! Her teacher said that she did a little better today, but when I asked her what she did at school, she said, "Mama, I cry at my new school." My heart broke all over again.
K is one of the youngest, if not the youngest, in her class (and the school!) and I am starting to wonder if I made the right decision sending her a year early. Everyone says that I should give it a little while before we make any decisions and I intend to do that. K is just the most outgoing, social, involved, and happy little girl, and I just hope she can be herself at school. Since Thursday is only two days away, I am hoping that school won't be so daunting for her, and that each day it will get a little better.
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